In Our Dating Era
A podcast & dating show for what comes after your early 20's. Listen in as we discuss dating, life after relationships, dating apps, boyfriends and so much more.
Follow on instagram: @InOurDatingEra
Starting over after a break-up can be hard, your searching for answers, a community, someone to tell you what's next, and how to get back out there.
Nikki jumped right into the dating world after a 10 year long relationship and 5 years of marriage. Now she's here to talk about dating when you have no damn clue what you're doing. Her community is filled with single women, young girls, moms, and women in need of a community and often times a good laugh! Dating is a hell of a lot more fun when you have others to share in it's insanity!
In Our Dating Era
Prepping for a First Date : Confidence, Connection, and Cuffing Season
Let’s shake the first date jitters and transform them into confident excitement. In our latest episode, we unravel the magic of authenticity and self-assurance as key ingredients for a successful first date mindset. You'll hear a personal tale about how my choice of a "first date song" inspires confidence and how openly expressing desires—like seeking a partner with "big dick energy"—can surprisingly lead to meaningful connections. We ponder the all-too-common habit of "future tripping," urging listeners to stay grounded and realistic as they navigate new romantic possibilities.
As cuffing season approaches, the quest for companionship takes center stage. Discover tips for gearing up for first dates with flair—think outfits that highlight your best features and personal style, mixed with an empowering anthem to set the tone. From the perfect pair of jeans to a friend's enviable turtleneck collection, we celebrate the power of self-expression in the dating world.
Our conversation isn't just for the singles out there—it's a heartfelt invitation for anyone at any stage of their romantic life to engage with the ups and downs of dating. We explore the thrill of meeting new people and the adventure of finding someone who truly adds value to your life. Whether you're a couple, flying solo, or somewhere in between, this episode is your supportive companion as you navigate the ever-evolving landscape of love. Join us next week when a special guest brings even more excitement to our ongoing discussion.
episode 3 hello everybody, welcome to in our dating era. I had a few people the past few weeks kind of like sending messages and DMS on our Instagram page asking okay, so this podcast is about dating only and how to date and who to date and the apps and you know, finding guys and I think number one. My intention is wholeheartedly to like, talk and bring conversation for women to talk about dating and where we're all at and what we're all dealing with. But part of dating is also finding relationships and being in a relationship, and sometimes those relationships are short, sometimes it's fleeting and sometimes it lasts. But part of dating and the reason why you do is to find somebody that you enjoy, that you want, you know, to step into your life and make your life more enriched and more fun and to feel like you found somebody who adds value to your life. So, in response to those questions, yes, we're talking about dating and finding the right person and what that looks like and making a lot of mistakes along the way, but it's also this podcast also is going to talk about relationship stuff, because, as much as you might now be single, you might also be the girl who goes on the second or third date with a guy and he's it for you and you feel like, like you know, you want to, you want this man to be your boyfriend and you want to see where this goes. So, yes, as much as this is about you know, dating and being single, it's also about finding a relationship.
Speaker 1:I think this podcast is going to evolve. I think there's going to be a lot of discussions to be had about various different things, so let's not pigeonhole ourselves, ladies. We can talk about whatever the heck we want. Sky's the limit. There are no set parameters on what we need to talk about here, and I think that's what's so fun about this that whatever crazy stuff pops in my brain or what things me and the girls are talking about this week is what's going to be talked about on the pod. And also, please keep DMing, because I love answering questions. I recently asked over in our Instagram stories what you ladies wanted to talk about, what you wanted to hear about, and I was supposed to have a guest on the podcast this week, but unfortunately, covid reared its ugly head once again and unfortunately, she's super sick, so you're stuck listening to my voice for another week, but next week we will have a guest and I'm really excited about it. So just the anticipation continues. Just hang in there, I promise.
Speaker 1:Speaking of which anticipation, this week on the podcast we are going to be talking about first dates and maybe for some of you, like me, you get really excited about first dates. I don't get super anxious, I think. For me I've kind of set things into motion where I have like a very fun first date routine and I'll share that with you, and it might not be for everyone, but it's definitely something I had. No, I had nothing going into it the first time I went on a first date after, um, my separation and divorce. But this can be the most nerve-wracking thing is that first date you put a lot of pressure on it. You put a lot of pressure on yourself, your outfit, you know where's he going to take you, what kind of conversation am I going to have, what if I say the wrong thing? So all those things can still exist, like you can still be nervous about all those things, but I think putting parameters in place to help you and to figure out how you can kind of get out of your own head and instead just enjoy the situation, that's so important. So let's dive in. What can we do to really enjoy a first date?
Speaker 1:I think this is like first date 101, like getting ready for a first date 101. So I had heard I don't know if it was on another podcast or if it was something I saw on Instagram but I saw somebody talking about how they had a first date song, like a jam, that they listened to while they were driving to a first date, like in the car, or I think maybe she was even saying like something that she does while she's like doing her makeup and like getting out of the shower and stuff. And I thought that's interesting. Like you know, you, you put on music when you're with your girlfriends and you're getting ready right For like a girl's night out, or like you guys are getting ready to go out for the night. And I was like this is the same idea. Yes, you're not meeting up with your girls, but you're getting ready to go and meet up with someone that you obviously enjoy enough to want to meet up for a first date.
Speaker 1:So I remember being like in my head thinking, okay, I want to try this. What song could I pick to have? Be like my, my, like pump up jam. You know, those, all the sports guys are always like coming out of the tunnels or like running onto the court and they've got like their jam, like even a baseball, like when a guy goes up to bat. They, like, you know, they play like an iconic song or a song that the guys pick. So us women, man, we should really, in my head I'm thinking that makes a lot of sense. So I will tell you my song I this was a year ago maybe I I picked Natasha Benningfield's Unwritten and let me just tell you guys that song will never, it will never go out of style.
Speaker 1:That thing, that song, is a classic and I put that on when I'm in the car and sometimes I'll play it two or three times. Sometimes I roll the windows down a little bit depending on my hairstyle, sometimes I don't, because we don't want to mess up that glam. But I'm singing in the car, sometimes belting it out and dancing and just like really reminding myself that this person that I'm in this moment with myself, I'm so happy, this is so fun and I'm great and this I feel so good, and this person, this is what this is what this guy is getting tonight. They're going to get this version of me. I'm going to go into it with a really good mindset. I'm going to go into it happy and optimistic and that's the best thing I can do. I'm going to be myself and I'm not going to think about what not to say, what to say. I'm just going to enter into it with the best mindset I possibly can. And let me tell you, it worked.
Speaker 1:Like I remember walking into dates and just being like all right, like I'm hot, I'm young, I've got this, I'm successful. Like God, this guy's lucky. Like I remember saying those things in my head and I mean you can say it's conceited or it's like full of yourself. But damn it, ladies. Like you're not always going to sit across from a man who's going to tell you you're beautiful and you're gorgeous. They should, but they're not always going to do that. So you do it for yourself. Remind yourself, look in the mirror, give yourself a little cheeky kiss before you get out of the car. Just blow yourself a kiss in the mirror and remind yourself that, like you've got this and you're gorgeous and you're beautiful and so yeah, that was a big, and I'm gonna go through a list of other things you can do, but that was like a big thing for me and I kind of wanted to start off with a fun one and just to kind of keep your mind on that and thinking of a song while you're listening to this. But that was a big one for me.
Speaker 1:It really changed the game because I am someone who can easily get in my head and not necessarily nervous, but more so like, oh my gosh, like okay, don't talk about the divorce. Or like, do talk about the divorce. Or like how soon do I bring up the fact that I have kids? Well, should I wait until he asks? I mean, he knows I have kids. Are we sure he knows I have kids? Like all of these things going through my head and like listening to music and just giving yourself that moment to just feel good and relax and sing and maybe just dance a little bit and just let go of all of that. It's so nice and I think I needed that time to just get out of my head and relax and take a deep breath and do that. So for someone like me and maybe someone like you who can get in your head, especially on that first date, it's just really nice to kind of detach from all of that like pressure and maybe a little first date anxiety, and just take a breath. So that was like my one of my favorite go-to things.
Speaker 1:But I have a laundry list here in front of me of things that really are first date rituals and things that you can do to really set yourself up for a really intentional, good first date and things that you can do to really set yourself up for a really intentional, good first date. And you guys, I'm no expert, I'm still figuring things out, but these are just things that I've either had girlfriends tell me have worked for them, things that I've done myself that have worked, and things that I've just observed. I cannot tell you how many times I've been at a really nice restaurant and I've looked across the room, room, even when I'm on a date with someone, and I'll look over to be like do you think that's a first date? And he'll be like, oh yeah, that has to be a first date. And we're sitting there reading their body language and looking at what they're doing and it's so fun. And in so many instances you're like, oh, it's so cute, like look at how nervous they are. You can tell that, like you know, like he can't stop smiling at her like. It's so much fun to watch that and I think I've always really enjoyed like looking at that and seeing, like when people are in those first few stages of like, getting to know each other and dating, and it's just, it's super cute.
Speaker 1:So I also think that at the end of the day, you cannot you somebody that is meant for you. Ladies, this is the most important thing. Write it down, commit it to memory. What is meant for you is going to be meant for you. There is nothing you can do on a first date. If a guy really likes you I mean really likes you he's going to stick around. It doesn't matter what you say or how you act. If he likes you, he's gonna stick around. It doesn't matter what you say or how you act. If he likes you, he is going to stay.
Speaker 1:And I mean, gosh, I've said I remember a guy asked me once excuse me, I remember a guy asked me once. He's like so what are you looking for in a guy? And I you guys, I must have listened to Natasha Benny, I must have listened to my pump up song seven or eight times, so I was really feeling it. I'm sitting there and I'm like, well, you know what I want? Somebody with big dick energy. Like I want a guy who walks in the room, who is confident, knows what he wants, isn't afraid to ask for it, and like is confident in who he is. And I remember the look on this guy's face and he nods his head and he kind of like smiles and he's like, all right, big dick energy it is. I'm like yep, and I don't even like remember where I heard that or I don't know if I'd ever really said it out loud, but it stuck with me.
Speaker 1:And I remember leaving the date later and being like I literally just told this guy I wanted big dick energy and that probably sounded a little aggressive or maybe too forward, I don't know. I also said dick on our first date, like none of these things can be good. And I got a second date with him and he was just I remember like second date, third date, he was like I love how confident you are, like you're so confident and like, like you know that's like really sexy and that was fun. It was fun to to be reminded that like okay, something that I want. I can say that out loud and the right person will receive it well and if they ask questions, you have a chance to explain yourself. But it goes to a great place as long as you're being honest, because the right person will receive it and be like, oh wow, this girl is rad and I want to take her on a second date and a third date. And you know, maybe they want to have big dick energy after you make a comment like that. So when I say you can say however you're feeling, the right person will take it, they will.
Speaker 1:So let's get into some of these tips that you can do in first date 101 things that you can. You can do to kind of set your mind straight and just really not overthink, because we can future trip as women. I mean, I think we go into dates or like talking to a guy, even if it's just through texts or on the phone, and we're like, oh, like, is he love bombing? Is he future tripping? But I think as women, we also are so capable of doing those same things. So rule number one is do not future trip.
Speaker 1:Don't go down his Instagram seven years and look at his sisters and then go on his sister's Instagram page and his mom's Instagram page and be like oh my, my God, their Christmas photos are so cute, like I could see myself being at their Christmas. Like that's everything I want. Don't do that. Number one, it's a little much and we've all been there and we've all done it, but it's just not helpful. Like, you don't know this guy yet. You haven't gone on the date with him. Yes, the phone calls that you have could be amazing. The texting could be witty and fabulous. Don't envision a life with him just yet.
Speaker 1:I mean, we have to like just be realistic. I think you got to just kind of hone it and reel it in Now. Do I think that it's okay to like go on LinkedIn and like check his job? Yes, cross your T's, dot your I's, you know, make sure this person is really who they say they are, especially if there's somebody that's like hey, yeah, I don't have a social, I'm not on social media. You're like, oh, okay, well, there's no way to confirm that you're the person you know, because you know, especially if this is online dating, if you've met them in person, that's a different story, but if it's with online dating, you know, yes, you can go on their LinkedIn, find them, you know, double check their job and what they told you. That's fine, but I just mean going down a rabbit hole of future tripping of like, oh my gosh, like you know, christmas is coming up, like maybe our first date will go so well, and then, you know, before we know it, we'll be like at each other's houses for the holidays and, you know, doing the holiday cuffing.
Speaker 1:It's cuffing season, ladies. So, and mind you, cuffing season, if you don't know, that is the awesome, awesome word that comes with being with someone during the winter months, because all the holidays are coming and you don't want to be alone during the holidays and the cold weather, so you get yourself a man for the holidays, for the cuffing season. So that's. That's something that I had to learn and, uh, a terminology that I was like what the heck is this? But cuffing season is very real and we are very quickly entering that zone. It is now October, so cuffing season, I think, is cuffing seasons. Here it is, it is started, you guys, so watch out.
Speaker 1:I live in Southern California, though, so the weather is not that cold Now. I don't know if my ass was in New York, where it's freezing and you don't leave the house for days at a time and if you do, it's like to go to the local bodega and get your food and get back to your house. I would miss. I would miss my, my dates and men and like cuddling and like I would want all that. So the cuffing thing makes sense if that was. But but here in Southern California, I mean, you still get to go outside besides a little bit of rain, and it being maybe 60 degrees is not too bad. So the idea of cuffing is like a little bit more foreign to me. But I mean, I I could see it if I was in a, in a climate where, like it's, you're snowed in for you know a week or like days at a time and the weather is gnarly.
Speaker 1:Um, so number two, we number one. We're not. We are not future tripping even in the slightest Two. We are going to pick a killer song and we are going to have an anthem for our first dates. We're going to listen to it when we're getting ready or we're going to listen to it in the car. It is going to be something that pumps us up, gets us out of our head, loosens us up a little bit and just gives us a little boost of confidence, whether this is a Beyonce song or gosh, pull out like a 90s Hilary Duff song, something that's just going to get you jazzed and ready to go for your date. I can't believe I just said jazzed, maybe not jazzed, just like really excited. God, I'm jazzed. We'll cut that Number three.
Speaker 1:I think, for me at least, I always felt really confident when I had a really good outfit, and that doesn't always mean like running out and buying a brand new outfit for a date. But I think, for me, every woman has something that they are like, they love about their body and for me, okay, and if you're a woman who doesn't think that you do have something about your body that's fantastic or that you love and you should, but ask your girlfriends. Your girlfriends will tell you girl, you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. Like, play up your, like, you know, do make your eye makeup how you normally do. Or that one night when you did your eye makeup, do it like that it was natural and was natural and beautiful. Or like, hey, girl, we all know you have a tiny little waist. Like, wear a tight shirt or those cute jeans. Your girlfriends will help you. That's what they're there for, especially for a first date. Call your girlfriends before your first date, have them pump you up as well. But the biggest thing is, do something that's gonna make you feel sexy. Not what they are gonna think is sexy, but like what you feel and like.
Speaker 1:For me, I feel the sexiest in a pair of jeans. I think jeans and the way that I wear jeans. I also have a bit of a booty. I love like my ass is banging in the right pair of jeans and like that's my thing. I've even been on dates when guys have been like hey, so you know, like, like what do you love about yourself? Like what are your qualities, and blah, blah and like well, I'm confident, I run my own business, I, you know, I, you know, raised two beautiful kids and like kind of I've got all this going for me and I've got a great ass. So that's just the icing on the cake. Like I've made comments like that on dates and it just like further goes to show like I know what I've got rocking, and now he's aware of it too, and it's like you can bring attention to it. There's nothing wrong with that. I think it kind of also lends itself to like a little chuckle and a giggle here and there and it's kind of fun. Sometimes it also becomes an inside joke, um. So, yeah, play up your best features, play up the things that make you feel comfortable. And um, I have, I have a girlfriend who she's the cutest thing on the planet and she looks so cute in turtlenecks and this probably sounds weird.
Speaker 1:I wear a turtleneck and I feel like I'm being choked out. I cannot wear them to save my. I also feel like my entire, like top body just disappears. She wears them and she looks adorable. She's so cute. This winter she's going to probably rock them up the yin yang and I'm just going to be jealous as all heck. But she is the turtleneck queen. And when you're dating, especially in winter, in my head I'm thinking I can't wear a turtleneck like, but she loves it and it works for her and she's adorable and like it fits. Like her, she has this beautiful long neck and like these great shoulders. She just looks great in them and that's like a big date move for her. Like she we had a conversation about it last year and she just like loves to do that. And then in summer, when she was dating, she's like I love wearing big, chunky necklaces it, it draws more attention to my neck and everything. So you just find what works for you. So play up something. If you have, really, if you love shoes and you love your feet in shoes and you love wearing great shoes, wear your favorite pair of heels, rock those that night. Just really find something that's also going to just up your confidence level and give you that little extra boost.
Speaker 1:Number four I briefly touched on it in our last point, but call your girlfriends. Call your girlfriends, single or not. And the thing about dating is and I've said it on this podcast, I'm sure in every single episode but dating is so much more fun when you have girlfriends to talk to about it or friends in general. So call up your girlfriend that morning, that afternoon, 10 minutes before the date, while you're driving, after you've listened to do it, before you listen to your pump up song, and just debrief real quick hey, I'm going on this date. His name's Michael. He's so cute, he's fine. We'll see what happens. I'm in a will see mentality, but like, like girl. Let me tell you about my outfit. I'm wearing my red heels and my jeans and I've got a white tank on and like a really cute cardigan over it. I cannot wait. I'll call you after he's taking me to yard house.
Speaker 1:Always tell somebody, or have your girlfriends have your location whenever you're going on a date, because safety first and let them pump you up, let them tell, tell you you've got this, you look amazing, you're going to have a great time. Make sure he buys your drinks. Make him pay for the bill because men should be paying for the bill and have a great time Like I'm sure you look amazing, like cannot wait to hear all about it. Let your girlfriends pump you up, enjoy that conversation with them and, yeah, that is like a. That's a huge one. For me, it's a heck of a lot more fun and they're in the loop. So then after the date, you can, you know, debrief again and you know we're going to have a second date, or he texts me the next morning, all that fun stuff. This is my last point.
Speaker 1:So I think that we get in our head so much even if you're not future tripping we get in our head and we think to ourselves okay, a first date has to be amazing. It has to be this long, five hour long date where we don't want to leave each other. And no, I've been guilty of that. I've done the, the, the date that goes on forever. I've done the spend the night dates, I've done them all.
Speaker 1:But some of the best dates and the dates that I think, where you really get to see a person and get information from them, but also not too much, where, like it leads to a second date, is that nice three hour window leads to a second date, is that nice three-hour window. You go, whether it's drinks or dinner, you hang out, have dinner or drinks for maybe two hours, maybe you get ice cream for an additional hour or you go on a walk at the beach or something like that. But you keep it short and sweet. You have your two drink minimum because you don't want to get you know sloppy. And then at the end of the date you say you know what, I have to get going, I had a great time with you, like, I hope we get to do this again.
Speaker 1:And you can let him say that, depending on who you are, you can say that you could do the whole like cute linger at the car while they're, you know, walking you to your car and maybe there's like a cheeky kiss. All of that stuff is great, but do not do a marathon date. I'm not the only one to say this. Like this is like an across the board thing and some of you out there might be listening being like I'm with my boyfriend or fiance or husband of 12 years, 6 years, 5 years, and our date lasted 6 hours or 9 hours and that's great, like sometimes that happens and and maybe, just maybe, that works for you. But here's the thing if it's a great date and you're meant to have a second, third date, if it's meant to turn into forever, it doesn't matter if the date's four hours or if the date's seven hours, so you might as well keep it short, sweet, and then the second date will come, and when the second date will come, and when the second date comes, you have a lot more to talk about. You have a lot more to like dive into.
Speaker 1:A second date can be a little bit longer, a little bit more intentional and like diving deep. Because really, that first date, you guys you're just for lack of a better way of putting it but you're just like sniffing each other's butts, like it's just like dogs, like you're just really being, like, do I like where you're at? Do I like the vibe. Am I attracted to you? Is this great, is this good? What do I want to learn more about? And then you, and then you step away. And then you figure out hey, do I really like this person? Because here's the deal, we don't care if they like you or not, like they're there, they already made it.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, women, the most important thing to think about is do I like him? What about that date? What about him? That he revealed to me his personality and what he did, whether it was pulling out a chair, being kind, being considerate what he decided to share with me, how he talked about what he wants in the future, what he does for work, his work ethic, his family, all of those things. Did you like that about him? Do you did you like that? He asked a lot of questions. Do you like that? He seemed genuinely interested in your life. Um, did he put his hand on your shoulder or your lap, or or pull your chair out for you? All of those things.
Speaker 1:Those are the things that you figure out, if you liked, whether or not he was being intentional during that date, and those are the things you then get to think about after the date and figure out if a second date is for you. So I know I've given you a nice few things, breadcrumbs here and there, of what you could do to first date and get in the right mindset. But I mean there's no rule book, right? I mean there's no one size fits all on how to really have a successful, amazing first date, because the right person sitting in front of you is going to make it right. Like your guys' chemistry, the things you're talking about, your witty banter, the flirting, the smiling all of that is going to come if it's right and you can't force it. No amount of Natasha Benningfield is going to make that date great. If it wasn't meant to be great, so it doesn't matter. But I hope a few of these tips helped.
Speaker 1:I think also the two most important of everything that I said is probably going into it with a really solid mindset of I'm confident in who I am and the person that I'm looking to find, the person that is going to add value to my life, will like me, no matter what, and what's meant to be is meant to be, and if it's not, then the next person coming along just might be that person and that's what's so exciting about dating and can be so fun is wow, that didn't work out, but that's okay. Like that just means one of the other billion men on the planet might be, and that's awesome. So I hope you had fun today listening. Next week I promise, promise, promise, we'll have a guest and, yeah, thanks for tuning in.
Speaker 1:If you liked this podcast and you like the other episodes, leave a review, please, and share with a friend. Share with one of your girlfriends in a relationship or single, because this is a conversation for women about everything. I mean, some of us are in relationships, some of us are single, some of us are neither, some of us are kind of just sitting in that waiting period, and that's okay too. So let's just open up the conversation for all of us women who are single, happy, married, divorced, for us to chat and figure out how we can navigate all this together. Bye, guys.
