In Our Dating Era
A podcast & dating show for what comes after your early 20's. Listen in as we discuss dating, life after relationships, dating apps, boyfriends and so much more.
Follow on instagram: @InOurDatingEra
Starting over after a break-up can be hard, your searching for answers, a community, someone to tell you what's next, and how to get back out there.
Nikki jumped right into the dating world after a 10 year long relationship and 5 years of marriage. Now she's here to talk about dating when you have no damn clue what you're doing. Her community is filled with single women, young girls, moms, and women in need of a community and often times a good laugh! Dating is a hell of a lot more fun when you have others to share in it's insanity!
In Our Dating Era
New Year Mindset: Joy in Friendship and Dating
Join Nikki as she kicks off the new year with a lighthearted reflection on silly NYE expectations and the happiness found in valuing friendships over romantic pursuits. Listen in on her personal story of a casual, yet fulfilling, girls' night that leads to an unexpected NYE reconnection, proving that stepping out of your comfort zone might just be the best resolution yet.
Laugh with Nikki through the unpredictable world of dating mishaps. Imagine a sports bar date, an unexpected fixation on coupons, and a peculiar obsession with leftover ranch dressing—what could possibly go wrong? Giggle along as she shares these comical dating disasters and the importance of good pre-date FaceTime chat to avoid mismatches.
Here’s to 2025, self-care, positive intentions, and nurturing the bonds we cherish for a vibrant year ahead.
Welcome to episode four of In Our Dating Era. Hi guys, welcome back to In Our Dating Era. I know it's been a minute. We haven't chatted in a minute. I mean it's my own fault with the holidays, it was crazy, but it's 2025. It is 2025, which means it is about damn time I release some new episodes. We're getting into a new year, a new dating era. So here we are, here we go. I hope everybody had a great holiday and a great new year. Oh, can we talk about we're just going to get right into it.
Speaker 1:Can we talk about the craziness that is the New Year's pressure? The pressure to like go out and like get a New Year's kiss and have like this amazing night, like an amazing, the perfect outfit, the perfect time out with your girlfriends, like all of it. It's so, it's so much pressure and I'm not here for it. I'm not gonna lie. That being said, I had a girl's night with my girlfriends. We okay well, I lied, we did have a girl's night, but we also or I also had a date before. I've never been the girl to have a cheeky New Year's kiss, not my thing, obviously. I was with someone for 10 years, so I kissed that person for a decade. But yeah, I went on a date on New Year's Eve and it was really great. We met for drinks and had a few drinks and then left early from the date Not early, but it ended early because we both had like parties and things that we were doing with friends. But yeah, it was, it was nice I mean this was two weeks ago and still kind of chatting with him, but's very casual.
Speaker 1:You guys, I'm gonna be honest, I don't. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I'm so excited for all the craziness that is coming in spring and beginning of summer so many things coming up bachelorette parties, weddings, trips, um, stagecoach festival, like so many fun things to look forward to that. Like I'm so excited to just like make my own decisions, be my own person, not be tied down in a relationship, and just like, honestly, this is like my fun, fun with my girlfriends era. Like I want to hang out with all of my friends, make memories, have a killer time, um, hang out with my kids, uh, and just really enjoy this season right now. Hang out with my kids, uh, and just really enjoy this season right now.
Speaker 1:Casually date, sure, but like nothing serious, and I've never done that. This is the first time in almost it'll almost be two years since I separated that. I've really just not on the apps, just if I meet someone, I meet them out in real life and, yeah, it's, it's been great. And I have to tell you, I met the guy that I went out with on New Year's Eve, who I went on the little drink date with. I met him because I went to the bar by myself one night after work. I just wanted to grab a bite to eat and, um, a drink. I sat at the bar and looked down the bar at this guy who like looked familiar and, lo and behold, I actually knew this guy from when I was like 16 years old and we struck up a conversation and that was that, and then we ended up going out on New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1:So there's lessons here. The biggest one is, although we all get uncomfortable with the idea of putting ourselves out there or doing anything alone, it's not always a bad thing and in this case it ended up being a really good thing. But going and grabbing dinner by yourself or grabbing a drink or grabbing a great book and heading to the beach or to the park and sitting in the sun and just like kicking it, going to the movies by yourself. As much as this is our dating era, it's also our era to just like feed into ourselves. It's a new year and I think with a new year, we all are so intentional with the things that we want to accomplish and we cannot let those things fall off. We've got to stay vigilant and like wanting those things and pursuing them, but we also have to be so mindful of like making sure that we're taking care of ourselves, and that's putting ourself first, and that means taking time to do the things that you love. Not that your boyfriend loves, not that your friends love, not that you think loves, not that your friends love, not that you think a guy might like. So you do it thinking you might meet someone. No, girls. The things that we actually want to do, whether that's lacing up your shoes in the morning and going for a run, whether it's going to your favorite coffee shop and working from there for an hour, because the flat white there is amazing and it's fun to people watch in between sending emails and working from there for an hour, because the flat white there is amazing and it's fun to people watch in between sending emails and working.
Speaker 1:Whatever it is that makes you happy, do it, do it more and do it often, because when you're happy and you're vibing and you're enjoying your life, that's when the good stuff happens. That's when the people you didn't even see coming step in. And that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to talk about mindset and mentality heading into the new year, being intentional in the things you're manifesting, which I know sounds woo woo. Manifesting is is it's real? I don't care what anybody says, come at at me, but it is. It's real. You're putting things out into the universe, but you're also just thinking them, and the more that you think about something, the more that you put positive energy out there, the more that you tell yourself you're going to do something, you're going to do it, it's going to happen.
Speaker 1:So we're manifesting, we're going to set intentions on how we're going to have an amazing year and for some of us, that's going to be dating. For some of us, that's going to be serious dating, looking very seriously for the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with. For some of us, that's going to be casually dating and just hanging out and not putting too much pressure or focus on it, because we've got other things going on, whether we're a girl boss or we've got a lot with work, or maybe you're you know going through a divorce or a separation or a breakup and you need time. Maybe it's a year if that's the case. Maybe it's a year of healing and finding yourself again. I've been in that position. That was a lot of what the last year and a half was for me, while still heavily dating. It was a wild year.
Speaker 1:But I think this next year for us, for all of us, we have to be the women that decide what we want Right and see who's going to fit that mold. For us, I think it's the year where we stop showing up for dates, being like, oh my gosh, like am I going to like him? Like what if he does this, or what if he's like this? We're not going to think about any of that. We're not going to think too hard about him and his career. We're not going to future trip and, you know, plan the next six months together before we've gone on the first date. Instead, we are going to walk into a date and into dating and approaching it with the mentality he would be lucky if he got me. He's lucky that I'm going out on this date with him. He's lucky that he gets to send me a good morning text or a cheeky good night text.
Speaker 1:Like we have to flip the script because I think for so long we're always the ones sitting there being like I wonder if he's going to like me, I wonder if he's going to like this about me, and I'm so done with it. I'm so done with like thinking that it's on us to be amazing and to dazzle these men. Thinking that it's on us to be amazing and to dazzle these men. Our job is not to dazzle a man on a date. Our job is to show up as ourselves and see if someone likes us and if they do, great. And if they don't, that's fine. You're the same person, you're still fabulous. So move on to the next. His loss. He wasn't the one anyways, because the right one is going to sit there and look you in the eyes, probably with their jaw on the floor, before they say where have you been all my life? And we're not taking anything less. That's the bare minimum at this point.
Speaker 1:I think we're heading into this year and we're going to pull our friends in tighter, our girlfriends, who make us feel seen and heard. You're going to come onto this community and you're going to talk and listen and you're going to really take away from this that, like, you're not alone. I think we all collectively can agree that dating is hard and all of my single friends have said the same thing. Like dating sucks, the dating pool sucks. We've just got to drop that. We've got to to drop that mentality. We all know that it's hard and we all know that it sucks. But instead we're going to put good energy out into the world and we're just going to have a good time. We're going to have a good time with our girlfriends. We're going to pack our calendar with fun things that make us feel good. Um, we're going to get outside, we're going to go on walks, we're going to plan things with our girlfriends and in between there, if we meet great people and if something comes along that feels really good, then we're gonna lean into it. We're gonna lean into a really good date.
Speaker 1:And if you're already dating someone and you have a boyfriend and you've been dating for a while, that's amazing doesn't mean that you can't have a summer and a spring filled with events and stuff with your girls, because that stuff feeds your soul just as much as the stuff with your boyfriend. Like we need our girlfriends in our lives and I think we all are guilty of this. Like you get into a relationship and you find this like groove, where you don't see your girlfriends as much, because the Netflix and chill life is really nice and you're hanging on your couch. But we've got to feed back into those friendships. If there's one thing I've learned this past year and a half after separation and divorce is that opening up to your community and your tribe and your people whatever you want to call them, your girl gang. There's a level of vulnerability that comes in telling them how you're feeling when you're struggling with a marriage or a relationship or struggling being single. Sometimes it can be really hard to open up to them. It's something that I struggled with because it made me feel weak or less than or. It just didn't feel like this bubbly, fun thing to talk about. But that's bullshit. Like that's why they're there. You wouldn't say that to your friend. If they came to you, you wouldn't be like oh yeah, you and your boyfriend are having issues, embarrassing. Oh no, you'd be like, oh my gosh, like how can I help? Like you want to talk more, you'd ask questions and everybody that loves you wants to help you. Your people want to help you. So this is going to be a year where we allow our friends to be there for us. Do the good and the bad.
Speaker 1:The best part about dating, too, is the funny stuff in between, like all of the one weird dates that we go on. We all have them where you just go. Did that really happen? I mean you guys, guys, I went on a date with someone. This was a few months ago it might have been right before Thanksgiving and this guy I should have known right off the bat. He takes me to a sports bar, and not like a nice sports bar, this is like a. It's like a family sports bar, which is fine. We're watching a hockey game. I was totally okay with it.
Speaker 1:And the waiter comes over and he's like kind of talking with her about some of the menu options and like what he's gonna get, and he asks her if they have any coupons, which I'm like okay, I love a guy who can save money. Like that's not necessarily a red flag. He goes on for five minutes to talk to this lady about the coupons he can get, the app he can get to get the coupons or the email he can sign up with so that he can get free wings at the place that we're at. He's doing all this and I'm like dude. At this point I would have already known like so much about you, or you could have known more about me, but you're more focused on getting a discount on your wings right now.
Speaker 1:If that wasn't bad enough, then his dad calls. Here's the thing If you need to answer a phone call from a parent, I'm not going to like judge you whatever for it, but he answers the call and he's like doesn't say anything to me, like, oh, like, hang on one second. And he's like he's like he answers the phone. He's like, hey, it's his dad. He's like, hey, dad, yeah, uh-huh. And they're like talking for a second and then he goes yeah, no, I'm okay, I'm on a date right now. I'm just sitting there at this point I'm kind of looking to the side and I'm like a little embarrassed, but also like still like in my head thinking about the wing situation and like can't believe that that just happened. And he's like, honestly. So he tells his dad oh yeah, like I'm on a date right now, and he goes oh yeah, you don't know her. Okay, all right, bye.
Speaker 1:And then after the phone call, goes right back to the conversation. Nothing, nothing else is said about the phone call he just picked up with his dad, you guys, and it only gets worse. At the end of the day he has so much leftover food from all the discounted food that he got with his coupons. He got three boxes to go, filled them with his wings and his food, and he's got ranch ramekins. And he points at them and looks at me and goes if you don't think I'm bringing these ranches with me, you're crazy. I was like what is happening? So there's a reason I'm telling you this story, because it made for it was really funny to tell my girlfriends and I laugh about it now because it was just sort of a little bit of like a train wreck.
Speaker 1:But vetting vetting before a date is so important and when we're excited about someone and they're really cute and like maybe the banter is like kind of fun but you haven't really really talked to them or gotten to know them, it can be dangerous because I didn't vet properly and that's why this date happened. I was excited. He like asked me out like that night and I was like, oh, I like a man that, like you know, wants it right now, like boom, boom. I didn't vet properly. Had I vetted, trust me, that date would not have happened and we would probably have not gone out, just because we have very different forms of communication and what's kind of not acceptable on a first date, because anything's acceptable, depending on where you're at and how you feel about someone and if you're on the same page. We were not in this case. But we need to start vetting 2025, we are vetting, we're vetting our men more Before a date.
Speaker 1:I will usually I didn't in that case with wing guy but I will always either do a FaceTime, like a cheeky, fun, fast little FaceTime call so I can see their face, see how they talk, like kind of get a vibe for them, or a phone call if we can't FaceTime, and it helps so much because then you get a better sense of who they are versus just texting, which is really a tough one. So I highly recommend doing a little vet sesh, kind of getting a vibe and seeing what they're all about, asking a few like simple questions like I mean a lot of these. A lot of times I'm doing these calls and like chatting with them and seeing what they're all about, asking a few simple questions. I mean a lot of times I'm doing these calls and chatting with them at night. I'm not on the apps right now, but this is stuff I've done in the past where I'm like, hey, so any big plans for the rest of the week. Then you kind of get a sense of what they like to do, other hobbies, how they talk about them, how passionate they are about certain things, and you can kind of get a pulse on what they're all about. So, moral of the story we're vetting.
Speaker 1:Just to circle back, you guys, we are hanging out with our girlfriends, we're making plans and we're really, really, really stacking our calendar. We're going to work out and we are going to be intentional about the things that we are allowing to affect us. We're going to have a positive attitude and we're going to rely on our girlfriends so that when we have funny dating stories and you know whether it's good, bad, the everything in between we're going to share them. So I'm so excited for 2025. And I'm excited to have you guys along for the ride on this podcast. Do me a favor If you enjoyed this, share it with a friend Single or in a relationship or dating or maybe recently separated. We've got a long year ahead, a lot of episodes, I've got some guests coming on our next episode and, yeah, please leave a review if you have a second, if you liked the podcast, because that helps and we'll see you guys next Friday.
