In Our Dating Era
A podcast & dating show for what comes after your early 20's. Listen in as we discuss dating, life after relationships, dating apps, boyfriends and so much more.
Follow on instagram: @InOurDatingEra
Starting over after a break-up can be hard, your searching for answers, a community, someone to tell you what's next, and how to get back out there.
Nikki jumped right into the dating world after a 10 year long relationship and 5 years of marriage. Now she's here to talk about dating when you have no damn clue what you're doing. Her community is filled with single women, young girls, moms, and women in need of a community and often times a good laugh! Dating is a hell of a lot more fun when you have others to share in it's insanity!
In Our Dating Era
Casual Dating: Thoughts, Dilemmas & Discoveries
Ever wondered if your dating preferences are setting traps instead of opening doors? In this episode, we tackle the quirky puzzle of attraction, focusing on age and those irresistible traits that catch our eye. Dating in your early 30s comes with its own challenges, with a pool that includes both fresh-faced late 20-somethings and the more seasoned men in their early 40s. Marissa and Nikki dive into how societal norms shape our choices and why being open-minded can lead to surprising discoveries. Whether it's the allure of tall men or the energy of a younger man, they challenge you to wonder what truly attracts you and encourage a little adventure in love along the way.
They share the importance of self-love, spill amusing dating anecdotes, and tackle dating types and preferences.
• Meet our special guest, Marissa
• The hilarious and unexpected DM serenade story
• Importance of self-care and filling our cups
• The concept of a cuddle alarm and its significance
• Navigating preferences in age and types
• Emphasizing humor in awkward dating moments
• Staying true to one's standards while casual dating
• Encouragement to engage in self-love, especially around Valentine's Day
welcome to episode five of in our dating era. I'm so excited because I have the best guest today. I also realize I'm a little bit biased because she's also a dear friend, but we have the fabulous miss marissa in the house. This podcast is called in our dating era the girlfriend over here, miss marissa. She's dating I'm dating. I'm dating very casually, would you say cash. We're keeping it cash. Keeping it cash, I think at the start of the year, that's like a good mentality to have. Yeah, january was we've established january was the longest month ever like 120 days. It felt really long. February is the month that we all deserved and we're heading into february feeding into our girlfriends, hanging out, going on trips, and we're filling our cups so that if a guy does come along and we are like maybe this isn't casual anymore, they're getting the best version of us. Yeah, really filling our cups, we are. And then thinking about men second, yes, yes well, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me. Ever since your first episode, I was like I'm getting on that podcast.
Speaker 1:I got too many stories, I got too much advice so the second Marissa, got here and walked in the door. I was like, hey, welcome to the studio. Um, you want to see the text I got this morning? And she's like we're already going for it. Oh no, what did you get? And literally, oh, let me just share with you. I received a I don't know two minute long, minute and a half long no context to this message. This dm on instagram, literally a guy just singing, singing to me what was it fly me to the moon?
Speaker 2:what was it fly me?
Speaker 1:to the moon. You guys, like there was some crooning going on. I don't, I don't want to say it was. His voice is lovely. I just zero context. You just, I woke up this morning to a full-blown, two minute long serenade, um via dm, and yeah, that's, that's the first, the dm serenade, is the new dude busting out his guitar and saying so here's wonderwall.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like in the middle of like that's the new here's you know what I think?
Speaker 1:I think that if some guy like actually brought their guitar out while I was like at their house on like a second date and started singing, they would have to be so like, I'd have to be so into them because otherwise I think it would immediately they're terrible, I would have the ick so fast. Yes, because I I realized that like we probably should reframe it and be like wow, like, what charisma, what, like, what a ballsy move that this guy like has the, has the, you know the guts to sit down and like. But also I think most of the guys that do that they've had women tell them oh, you're so good Like oh my gosh, I really like that, and so then they think that that's like, it's like something they can do.
Speaker 1:that, like you know, ups their point value.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's an ego, you know, ups their point value. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're sitting there quietly being like cool In the off chance that there's any men listening right now.
Speaker 1:I know this is primarily females, but in the off chance, do yourself a favor, even if you're the world's best singer. Maybe we save that until you know you've made her your girlfriend. Yeah, roll it out slowly. Yeah, but that's what marissa walked into today. I was just like you are not. You need to listen to this right now. I like can't believe this just happened. She was like I was dying, nodding her head and laughing through the entire two minutes.
Speaker 1:I think that, while we want to talk about like just dating right now, in this climate, I think it's inevitable that a few little key stories to make our points slip out, and it's important also to note that, like we're not interested in bashing on men, we love men. Um, we're not here to, like you know, drag them through the mudder or make them look bad, but I mean for yourself. But the thing is like with dating and I've said this before the best thing about dating is sharing the hilarious and the crazy and the weird with your friends yeah, you have to laugh about it and I think you can do it in a way that's not disparaging to men.
Speaker 2:We're not hating on men, like you said. Most of the time we're laughing about ourselves and how awkward and weird we were on a date or in a situation, or going to each other for advice on you know what do I say in this situation? What do I do in this situation? And we're all just looking for answers and I think having girlfriends going through similar experiences or having gone through similar experiences is one of the best ways to navigate that, because nobody wants to do it on their own did you see recently I think it was on tiktok that this boyfriend had said that he sets a cuddle alarm?
Speaker 1:and his girlfriend was like what are you talking about your cuddle alarm? He will set an alarm. You haven't heard. No, he will set an alarm to wake up. 10 minutes before he actually needs to wake up and get out of bed his alarm goes off and it's his cuddle alarm. So for the next 10 minutes he cuddles with his girlfriend that's so cute. And then his real alarm goes off do we like that?
Speaker 2:I love it you guys.
Speaker 1:I get excited when a guy slides into my dms and says like you look good tonight. That is the bare minimum. If, when there are guys doing cuddle alarms, oh my gosh, it's a cuddle alarm or nothing for me.
Speaker 2:Like that is. You're like, are you a cuddle alarm or are you not? Because, like, I need to know what kind of person you are Okay.
Speaker 1:Well, I would like a cuddle alarm. I would also like a few other alarms, now that I know that that's a thing Like. I would also like an alarm where, like gonna set an alarm, I'm gonna shower for 10 minutes. After my 10 minutes of time, you are then allowed to come and join me in the shower yeah, like you know what.
Speaker 1:I mean like an alarm so that like there's nothing worse than like getting in the shower and then like somebody wants to come join you and you're like I've only shaved one leg. Yeah, like I need, I need another five minutes. I've shaved one leg, I have not like conditioned my hair. So, yeah, maybe a cuddle alarm, a proper shower alarm if you're going to shower with someone. I can't think of any other ones currently.
Speaker 2:I just love this idea of like scheduling intimate moments. I mean you kind of have to have some planning around it, but it's just like you're making your significant other a priority, which, yeah, is so hot.
Speaker 1:Guys, it's so hot and girls we just like love that stuff. I mean, one of my like favorite things like on this planet is like when a guy goes into their closet and like pulls out a sweater or a sweatshirt or like an extra large t-shirt and is like here you go oh, I don't nothing better than being in like a dude shirt, it's my favorite thing on the planet.
Speaker 1:Like wearing his like over number one because it's comfy it's not your tightest jeans and like your sexy push-up top, it's just like comfy and you're just like I'm wearing your shit. Like take a good look, because like yeah, this is this is all. This is for you. I don't know, I just really enjoy it.
Speaker 2:But what are your thoughts on Valentine's day? Are you like? I mean, is there still a group of women who are like trying to get booed up for Valentine's day? Is that still a?
Speaker 1:thing, I don't know. I think Valentine's day Okay, but no Valentine's Day, I mean, it's around the corner. I think there's definitely a shift. If you're like me and you're on Instagram or you're on social media and you're seeing all this stuff and you're like, oh my gosh, how nice would it be to have a Valentine. You're not alone, I'm in the same boat. Yeah, marissa would agree. I think it's honestly, and not everybody can necessarily have girlfriends to hang out with. Like sometimes it just doesn't work out. But I think it's like self-love. I think something that we don't talk about enough. It's like doing the things that make you happy. And if you can't hang out with your girlfriends and you don't have a significant other to celebrate that with, maybe it's a night where, like you do your nails, or you go get your nails done and you get your favorite dinner and you come home and you watch Gilmore Girls or the holiday, or just something that makes you happy and you self love that night.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I am kind of in this era where I am more interested in dating myself. That self-love thing I think is so important and I kind of think about it as like, yes, I would love to have somebody to like go on adventures with. I'd love to have somebody to just like call up, like grab a cocktail, come over, like let's sit in sweats and do you prefer a first date at home or first date out out?
Speaker 1:okay?
Speaker 2:yeah, great, yeah, safer, yeah, safer for sure. Um, and like you just get to dress up and look cute and it's like nice to just kind of like put your best foot forward. But like when you're thinking about a partnership and actively dating someone, I'm the one that's always planning these fun activities. I think of all these fun things that I want to do, and then I was thinking to myself recently you know, why don't I just go and do those things for myself? You know, I was. I went to a pottery making class a couple weeks ago and I was like this would be the cutest date night thing. There was like another couple that was there.
Speaker 1:They were doing pottery together and something about sitting behind a spinning wheel while somebody else's hands are on top of yours.
Speaker 2:I mean the ghost moment that I was envisioning in my mind like that's the goal, right? Um, but I gave myself my own ghost moment. You know, I went to the class myself, I loved it and I was like this feels like a date for just me and you get to know yourself in those kinds of situations when you're trying something new and kind of overcoming that initial like awkwardness and weirdness, of just kind of being with yourself recently.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I recently went on a date um, and it was a great date and it was like a lot of fun and I caught a vibe, like definitely had feelings and was like thinking about it. And we went on a second date super fun, um, really great and didn't hear from him the next day and I was like, okay, this is fine, I'm busy, he's busy, like we're yeah, you know, we're doing our own thing. Two days goes by, three days goes by, so my ass got on my phone and I went to google. Don't judge me. I went to google and literally typed in how many days is too long for a guy to wait to text you after a date?
Speaker 2:like somehow google is gonna know before my friends and I've already talked to my girlfriends, but I googled there needs to be okay, wait, this is our million dollar idea, real quick. There needs to be a web md for dating questions. Yes, you're like is this normal? Yeah, am I psycho?
Speaker 1:and I've never done that. I'm not that girl. That's like. What did it say? It literally was like oh well, if it's only been one day, it's not a big deal. If it's been two days, like, give him a little bit more time. And it was like if it's been three or four days and like I haven't talked to this guy like since then and I just kind of left it alone. But the thing is, is that like two dates you don't know someone, yeah, like you just like casually like them, and I think that in that moment it's so much more ego than anything else, like your ego is kind of hurting Cause you're like wait, I'm, I was fun, that was fun. Why are they not?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And you just gotta like, let it go and I'll probably never see him again. I think that's pretty apparent Cause, like I didn't text him and he didn't text, so like it, just you know. But like that's not. Like, in my opinion, no one's ghosting you unless you, like, have gone on a bunch of dates and like you've established that you guys like like each other. Yeah, like going on one date or two dates and like the conversation like fizzling out, or even if you're just talking via text, like on the apps, and you're talking and then they just stop responding, that's not really ghosting, that's just sort of like. Yeah, the nature of dating, now dating types.
Speaker 1:I've been hearing a lot lately like, oh, you need to just like dump your type out the window. Yeah, it's not as easy as it sounds. Like. If you like tall, dark and handsome, you're naturally gonna like tall, dark and handsome. And if someone else that you normally would date doesn't come up to you like unwarranted like, you're probably not smiling and making eyes at the short blonde in the corner because it's not typically your type. You know what I mean. It's. It's like I don't know how you, I don't know how you just switch up types. I don't know how you just like drop that yeah.
Speaker 2:I think everyone has a certain set of characteristics that they're attracted to, right. I think some of them are, you know, societally pushed on us, right. Mm-hmm, where I do think it's smart to be open-minded. Try to talk to new people, right. Give people a chance, because you might be pleasantly surprised, that being said. That being said, you're attracted to who you're attracted to, okay.
Speaker 1:So what? What do you think about like people who have like age types. So, like, some people only date younger, some people only date older. Being in your early thirties is tough because you're in your early 30s, you're 30, 31, 32, 33 and you could go up to like 43, 44, 45 in a guy, but you could also go down to like 28, 27, like you're in this weird zone where like younger feels so younger because they're 20s yeah but also early 40s, feels so old.
Speaker 1:So like your range is so large and for me like I would date it, I've gone on dates with guys that are like 26, 27. I've not really dated a lot of older guys. I think the oldest I've like gone on a date with is maybe 37, but like I don't typically like to date guys that are older, I think in my opinion.
Speaker 1:I'm like oh, I want somebody that's like young and like is like ready to go for a run with me or like go paddle boarding, and like it's really active and like has a fun spirit and is outgoing, and I think maybe in my head my type is younger because of those characteristics, but that's not to say that, like you know, a 40 year old doesn't have that. So I don't know, I think maybe I need to branch out a little bit.
Speaker 2:I think it's about reframing it. It's about thinking what are the characteristics in a younger person that I am drawn to, like you? You said they're active, they're adventurous, they're maybe driven in their career, whatever it is, and giving that opportunity to someone that is maybe a little bit older, maybe more established, and also somebody that has history and that has maturity and life experience, especially if you're someone that's been through so much in your life you want to be able to communicate with somebody who also has that level of depth Right, which I think dating somebody who is my age like dating somebody who's like early 30s.
Speaker 1:Think dating somebody who is my age like dating somebody who's like early 30s is also really hard, though, because that age is like so prone to be the people that are like married in marriages, starting families, like they're in that in between, whereas like smaller yeah, that pool's a lot smaller because, yeah, older, like late 20s a lot of them still are like especially guys not settling down yet they still think they're so young and they've got so much time. And then the 40s, the 40 year olds a lot of them are divorced or like we're in long-term relationships, or dads that have kids, like there's just such a that's what I'm saying. Being in your early 30s, your dating pool is so vast Like you could really be dating very, two very different types of people within a seven like think about dating someone seven years older. Not a big deal Seven years older, whatever. Dating someone seven years younger.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a huge deal, that's a huge deal.
Speaker 1:So, like you can really only go back so far, well, you can go back as far as you want, ladies, I'm not going to tell you what to do. Yeah, go back, go back if you want. But it's just, it makes it harder because, yeah, you might not have as much in common as somebody, like you said, as you go up in age has more life experience.
Speaker 2:I've.
Speaker 1:Ladies, if you want those baldies, if you want a man that's gray, you do you. Hey, I love a silver fox, you do you, you do you. Yes, I don't think I've ever dated anybody with gray hair. I have a girlfriend who will only date you know who I'm talking about. Like loves the silver fox, like will only date older men, and I'm like that's a type.
Speaker 2:See, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Everybody's got types and it's not a bad thing. But if you're somebody that maybe wants to get out of that, that's not an easy thing to kind of break out of. But if I had to say what could help, I think it's definitely being more open-minded. When you go out to the bars or you go out with your girlfriends or you're at the gym, you're on the apps, you're on the apps or you're at the gym and someone's smiling the apps or you're at the gym and someone's smiling at you or making it apparent that they, like, are interested, I think it's being more open-minded and looking around and being like you know what, let's. That's not normally my type, but let me look at something about them that I do enjoy. Oh my gosh, they have really nice like fashion sense, or I worded that well. Or like I like the way he dresses, or he has a nice smile.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's not focusing on, like all the five different things that you know make up this guy, that like is your dream guy, but instead it's like focusing on the little things. I'm doing this I'm going to. Marissa is giving me. Marissa is giving me eyes and shaking her head. I am, I'm going to. I love a tall guy, I don't know what it is. If a guy walks into a room and he's like 6'2 or 6'3 and up, I'm like instantly totally into it. I just like the idea of like a guy being able to like pick me up and like encapsulate me when they hug me.
Speaker 2:But then is that a trap, you know? Is he hot or is he just?
Speaker 1:tall, I don't know, but I like it. I don't know, but I like it, I don't know. So that's your type. I also like abs, but not every guy I like I've dated has abs. I mean, but is it a trap? Yeah, you lift that shirt up and if you've got a six-pack, yeah, you're trapped. Yeah, I'm screwed. I'm not even looking at your face at that point. But again, I'm not looking right now. For, like the love of my life, if I was actively looking for, like somebody that I wanted to like, really intentionally date, I would not. I wouldn't be looking at abs, I'd be looking at character and everything else. So, yeah, here's, here's the deal, ladies, here's the real kicker. Casual dating is so much fun. Just because you're casually dating and having fun does not mean that you don't deserve to still have standards.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. Have your standards. Have the things that you're looking for in somebody that you either want to be friends with or create a partnership with, or just somebody that you know you just want in your life.
Speaker 1:In some way, have a great Valentine's Day, whether you're hanging out with your girlfriends or a guy, or maybe your boyfriend or a significant other. We will talk to you next week and if you like the podcast and want to share, we'd love for you to share it. Share it with your friends, share it with your boyfriend. If you want him to Drop some, it with your boyfriend. If you want him to drop some hints, yeah. If you want him to put a cuddle alarm on or shower alarm, send him the podcast so you can listen and leave a comment or a review. I'd love feedback and follow us on instagram. In our dating era, thank you to miss marissa for stepping in and chatting with us today and I'll see you all next week. Thanks again, guys. Bye.
